Being young and selfish can be lots of fun for certain, but right now I feel like I’m in such an odd place where I’m not allowed to participate in such fun. I’m 22 and living with my boyfriend who I feel I coexist with perfectly. Part of this to me is that I don’t feel anxiety when we are apart and I don’t feel that he will ever be upset if I want to do my own thing (which I frequently do). I never ever, ever thought in a million years I would be at this stage in my love life at this age. What is frustrating is that marriage is still a far and distant thing for me, yet I’m starting to feel like I’m being socially put in a box by my living/relationship situation.
I’ve recently been confronted by a good friend about a variety of things that stirred up some emotions that I’ve been struggling with. Mainly that I’m losing track of friends who call me less because of Steve, and that I ‘wouldn’t understand’ the single lifestyle and because I’m not single wouldn’t enjoy activities such as going out all night for drinks, dancing, etc. She also went as far as saying that she doesn’t call me to go out because I only like ‘chic, expensive activities’ that she doesn’t enjoy and that she would never ‘fit in’ there just like I “wouldn’t fit in at a dive bar”. I’m bothered way more than I should be by this, I know. I feel like if I go somewhere ‘chic’ it’s once a month and because a lot of Steve’s friends are into that. Part of being a girlfriend is adapting to his friends, who have accepted me as their own thankfully. I go to dive bars all the fucking time, give me a break I’m not a yuppie I make just as much as she does (not a lot), and no, my parents are not supporting me. It’s as if I’ve been put in this ‘practically married yuppie who scorns single people’ box. It’s not as if once you’re in a stable relationship all memories of being single self destruct in the brain. I went very long periods of my college years without a boyfriend, and I had a ton of fun. Part of that fun was that I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend and I was just enjoying life. So, really, what makes my situation all that different now? Why must I be a ‘square’ just because my life is somewhat stable right now? I feel like she can only be making these judgments based on my current situation, not taking into account me as a person.
Friends, Steve can’t replace you, and he won’t. So if you stop calling me, it’s not as if I’m content to just spend the time I would have spent with you with Steve instead. It’s more like I feel incomplete and a bit like a failure.
As for the ‘expensive activities’ part, I know my situation is weird. In reality though, I still work 40 hrs plus, Steve works waaaaay more than that on average. We both pay (fairly high) rent and we both have to manage our savings and spending habits like everyone else. I don’t really have a lot of control over the way we appear to others, yeah, our place is beyond our realistic income, but we’re still paying for it. Also, I’m wholly satisfied by spending a night in with friends watching rented movies and drinking a bottle of wine, or in this case, going to a dive bar and ordering pitchers of cheap beer. I care way more about seeing my friends than what we actually end up doing. I’m feeling pretty hurt that she believes this about me. I’m still 22 folks. I still have a lot of learning to do. Also, treat me like ‘the man’ and I’ll have to regulate…
P.S. I'm not an angry ranty Mc Ranterson.... I love you all. I also love this friend who has made me so emotional. Such is life...
4 comments:
How about this--- "Oh, you weren't busy? I just figured since you're with Ben every night that you wouldn't want to"
That one pisses me off.
How about I say " Oh you don't want me to call you every night? I just assumed that since you weren't dating anyone that you were sitting home alone with nothing to do"
I am lucky to say that I can count you among one of my very best girlfriends, and part of the reason being- you didn't treat me any differently once I got married! You understood that I was an individual and was not going to become someone completely different once one part of my life changed. I'm grateful that I didn't have to deal with what you are dealing with.
I'm also feeling guilty, even though it was definitely not your intention, because I don't call you enough any more. I love you, and we need to hang. if you're free sunday evening or if you have monday off, let me know.
Woooooow. Good rant.
I hope you don't think that I call you less because of Steve - you know I heart him (durrr, he's the guy version of me, yes?) and think he's just radness - I've just been overloading myself with shit. You know me.
But anyhow. Marie's response is perfect, yes? All us single kitties sit at home every night with nothing to do. Yep. Not busy at all.
We all love you and don't think you're a square/yuppie/chic bitch(hahahahaha!) at all. I mean, c'mon.
Betch, please. You slum it up at the dive bars with the best of us...aka Ms. Packin' the fish & chips away, saturday night. Yow!
You just happen to look great doing it, don't fall apart in public, and have the sort of put together condo that most of us would kill for. So I can see how misperceptions could occur, but what she said was just rude and uncalled for. I'd be pissed too.
For realz.
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