For the love of windy nights

I quite enjoy the wind. I sat inside nearly all day watching the one small tree outside my window flail about. The rain drops really make satisfying thuds on the front window when propelled by the wind. Once the rain had passed, I had really re-defined the meaning of lazy, having watched movies and tv all day and having not really moved from the couch with the exception of short jaunts to the kitchen eat more food (frozen soy chicken nuggets). At 4:30 I made the bold decision to leave the house. I went up to Broadway, bought two books from Bailey/Coy, got a delicious coffee at the new Vivace which is at the bottom of the new Brix development then headed to the Soap Box where I met up with Mark Gilzy. He's buds with the owner so we get free stuff all of the time. I was tempted into purchasing four bars of soap (actually 2 bars, since every sat is buy one get one free) my delights included 1 orange clove bar, 1 avocado clay bar, 1 salt water taffy peach bar, and 1 lemongrass bar. We chatted with a few other locals who had a rather well behaved and adorable brunette dachshund. People were remarkably friendly today on the Hill. Perhaps it's gentrification, or perhaps it's the fall, a friendly older gay couple and I chatted quite a bit at Vivace, and all of the patrons of the Soap Box (who all equally adore the owner Phil who is bursting with personality and seems to pride himself on knowing everyone's business) were particularly outgoing and friendly. Mark and I then walked over to Shinka Tea where I read my book while he worked and we both ate delicious chicken and mushroom hombao.

I am about to venture out into the night once more to get dinner and drinks with some folks. I'm not feeling entirely well (still have this damned chest cough), but I'm propelled by romantic notions of a lovely autumnal evening....

Pity Party

I want to stomp. Scream. Throw rocks through windows.

I think my artwork is cursed. I am taking a break from it all. I get an email from Glo's at 4 p.m. yesterday that says:

The owners decided to repaint the walls and no longer hang local artwork. They took down your stuff and a piece was broken. Please come pick up your things tomorrow at 7:30 a.m.

Awesome. Just so awesome.

So we went there this morning. Again, the lady who set the whole thing up did not show. The hipster bitch at the counter was... a bitch. No sympathy, no apologies for breaking my things and ending my showing 3 weeks early and giving me a one day notice. There were posters of Marilyn Monroe and the usual 50's bull on the walls. In approaching said bitch about compensation for my frame I was told "take it up with Cyra" (no show lady). I said hell no I was not making another trip and tracking down their flake of an art person. She asked how much I said 50. She said no way, and that they would only replace the glass on the visibly broken frame. I commented on the fact that they were ON THE FLOOR of the restaurant and had scratches that were never ever there. She said "are you REALLY going to re-frame that because of a few scratches??"

I am ready to admit I have anger issues sometimes.

This whole ordeal occurred in front of a bunch of older customers. I did NOT keep my voice down at this point. Forget about it. Forget Glo's. No longer will I wait an hour to eat their stupid food. No longer will I deal with the stupid hipster apathy that comes with the shitty coffee every 30 minutes while you wait an additional hour for the food. There are too many other places doing brunch these days to waste my time.

I feel embarrassed. I feel ashamed for letting myself get so worked up. I'm not a serious artist, I shouldn't expect to be taking seriously. I want to throw myself a giant pity party involving me, my bed, and a leather bound diary to write all of my feeeeeeeeeeeeeeelings in.

I think I have a problem

Disclaimer: this entry is devoid of intelligent subject matter. It may disgust you.

BEHOLD!

Today after a delightful feast of noodle soup AND dim sum delights, Miss Beth introduced me to a whole new world of shoe heaven. I had never been to DSW, nor even knew that there was such a place... I am now in trouble. At delightfully half-off prices I hope to never be foolish enough to spend over $100 on shoes again!

As you can see from the above evidence I have a problem with buying shoes - and that problem is saying no. After my impromptu shopping trip with Beth I decided to clean out my closet to make room for my (3!) lovely new pairs. In doing so Steve dared me to line them all up to prove how ridiculous I am... The above is the result - all shoes included with the exception of running shoes and flip flops. I am both embarrassed and delighted, for in doing so I discovered a few that had fallen into the depths of our closet.

The results also inspired me to do something that I never ever do.... take care of my shoes. I polished up my boots (which have seen far too many rough nights of drinking), cleaned up the stain on my grey suede peep toes, and put the first four shoes on the right in a bag by the front door so I would finally take them to get re-heeled (they've been pushed aside for over a year waiting for this treatment). And, after a long legacy of shoe deaths by water logging, I finally began the process of waterproofing my shoes.

Today's treats:

By far the most ridiculous of my shoe finds today, these shoes, in the words of Beth, were made for me. Of course they are perfect for Seattle fall weather with their fabric exterior, peep toe-ed ness and shiny pleather heel.... I suck.

These, while incredibly cute and comfortable, will probably not stand the test of a rain storm either. I love their yellow suede interior....

Now, these, these are a smart find. $30 bucks, comfortable, cute, actual traction on the bottom, and while they would probably drown in a puddle of any serious depth, they could at least keep my feet dry for at least as long as it would take to get home to change into those big blue rubber boots pictured above....

Now if only I could train my feet to never feel pain..........

and now my fingers are black....

New painting hooray! It's a bit of a color barf I know, but I had a lot of fun on this one. She is eating delicious buns of perhaps the dim sum variety :)

Will Power.

I have none.

This morning Steve and I slept in late, walked down to Pike St. Market to get some breakfasts. The wait was too long at Cafe Campagne so we ended up going to Le Panier to peruse the pastries and grab a coffee instead. Prime example of a lack of will power- Meghann thinks, "gee, do I want a savory pastry or a sweet pastry??? Oh my goodness there are a million choices! Oh my goodness what if I want a whole loaf of brioche instead?? Wahhh!" Ultimate decision- I ate two pastries, one savory and one sweet (a mushroom one and a raspberry jam one to be exact).

Did I need two oh so buttery pastries? The answer is no one needs two pastries in one morning. Bah!

Example two.

Meghann goes to Nordstrom to look for shoes to go with this: oh so adorable dress she bought for Shirlae's wedding.

http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/2974055/0~2376776~2374327~2374331~6014133?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6014133&P=2

Steve to Meghann "Didn't you buy like three dresses for the various weddings last summer?" Meghann can't find shoes, but then sees a perfect bag, of which she cannot find a picture of on the internet. Meghann has been punishing herself for losing a kenneth cole bag she bought in San Francisco by leaving it at the semi-sketchy hotel she stayed in. She owned that bag for three days total before losing it. Her self-inflicted punishment has been to not allow herself to buy a new bag until the fall because she was so careless and should learn to take better care of things lest she take anything for granted.

Obviously you know that in the end i bought the bag. So much for saving up for my bulldog friend.

Ever since my promotion I've been spending money like I have no responsibilities in life. Food, shows, clothes, shoes, boozes. I'm starting to feel the guilt, and feel a little bit reckless and afraid of screwing up by not be able to say no to myself.
ACK!

This little blog is totally pointless I know, but I just need to slow down a little and get back to the center. I know "wah wah wah" it's a selfish little rant. Part of it is that I don't want to buy a car - so no savings toward that. I get to go to grad school for free because of my job - no savings for that. I lack foresight and want to live in the now, saving up for babies is not even something I can fathom yet. I guess if I was a little wiser I'd save for travel, but I guess my frustration is that Steve and I are never able to get enough time off to take a nice vacation, also all of our vacation hours are gobbled up by family events, weddings, etc. I guess the responsible thing to do would be to return the bag... At least I don't have astronomical credit debt, but damn I suck at saving.

The End.

A good night

New Art (kinda blurly photo)

Sitting here, drinking 2/3 of a bottle of wine. It's almost midnight on a Tuesday. Steve and I are watching the Arts Channel - Baryshnikov is jazz dancing to some 40's crooner - so smooth. Gazing out the window at a low orangy half-moon overlooking the blinking lights of the city and it's ever present cranes. Steve is now curled up in the window box with Inga. He has bought flowers with pea vines twirling through them. The mess of tonight's dinner (angel hair pasta with garlic, basil, tomato, chard and a squeeze of lemon, and of course some asiago cheese grated on top) is strewn about the coffee table. For once the kitchen is clean, but the floor still has my artwork and various scraps of magazines in piles (kitchen remodel ideas, artwork ideas, outfit ideas) all about - and cat hair- lots of cat hair. I'm not the cleanliest person you know. We've booked tickets to Minnesota, and have a lot of free time there - please send recommendations. Today was lovely. Got the painting Steve's mom bought framed. I wish I could frame all of my ladies with a limitless budget and good strong matting. We've developed a new bad habit- there is a beer store on Pike that we've recently discovered. About 300 different beers, sorted by region. Tonight of course I bought local wine :) I picked up some new pens and markers at Utrecht my fav art store on Pike and resumed my doodling for Miss Caroline's fashion 'look book/catalog' thing.

When I am mildly drunk I become effusive, so here it is:

Last night, after Caroline's Poetry Reading in Fremont we went to Big Time for a few beers. As Caroline was leaving she tipsily gushed to me (I'm approximating, I may have also had a few beers) "I have such amazingly creative friends, I just want form an artists' salon or something!" and though I think this all the time, I really felt a surge in satisfaction at this comment. I am truly amazed at the talent of the women in my life. I love how uncompetitive my ladies are in their love of art and am touched every time one of them wants to either buy my work or collaborate on a project. I admire all of them and instead of your regular run of the mill jealously I feel really proud whenever each of them performs or produces a truly beautiful piece.

Hahaha ok, I'm becoming my mother, sitting here with my glass of wine, falling in love with the world, strongly fearful of becoming too attached because of an overactive awareness of the fragility of it all. Oh, and just to make things that much more poignant, A Gershwin Piano duet is now playing, which also makes my think of my mother (who spent ages trying her hardest to play this piece, I'm not sure she'll ever reach that point, but it will never cease to remind me of her). Except, now there is a very 90's black and white performance of The Phantom Of The Opera on the arts channel and it is bringing out more scornful emotions ;)

I don't want to sleep tonight. I just want to finish this bottle, bother my cat, doodle a little and enjoy my Panda. This is a good antidote to a week and a half long bout of terrible dreams and a bad attitude.

Home

It's almost three a.m. and I'm still fairly buzzed from Tracy's bachelorette party.

If my parents and sisters did not live here I would never come back to the Tri-Cities. It's so bizarre here. On one hand the weather is unbeatably beautiful, but this trip more than any other has caused me to really feel stifled here.

Everyone here treats me like it's a 'town mouse' versus 'country mouse' competition. This world is so damn small it makes me feel like drowning. I need to get back to the city asap. I'd like to be anonymous in bars and to just have good non-competitive conversation with my ladies. My Tracy is amazing and great, but damn I hate coming here. I feel like I'm being scrutinized by people I haven't seen in four years for every pound I've gained and every stress wrinkle under my eyes. All the girls here are tanned within an inch of their lives and blond. I wore a cute little dress and heels out to a bar tonight and I felt mormon next to everyone else.

blarg. I'm just really happy to be spending time with my sisters.